Banned by Order of the Czar

As the czar of vernacular the following are my restrictions:

“I grew up with . . .” besides being way overused what someone is trying to say can be better expressed with “As a child I was influenced by . . .” “Early in my adolescence I came in contact with . . .” Well the last one sounds more like a disease, but lets be more creative, okay? Additionally, it sounds more like an excuse than a reason, like someone’s accused you of having no business knowing anything about say . . . blues music. Oh well I grew up with records of B.B. King around the house, and my grandmother did needlepoint, so that’s how I came to represent my artistic expression of blues icons in a cross-stitch pattern . . .as if you needed a history with something to be interested in it.

“r u” – grrrrrr don’t write it. Don’t even text it, we have auto text these days that makes it easy to spell out these words. Although, “ur” is allowed (only in texting) because it saves text time and brain time by not worrying about the you’re your rules. Its stays for convenience.

“@” -Related to “r u” the @ symbol to mean “at” in any other context but an electronic mailing address is hereby banned as well. Typing two letters “a” and “t” takes two hits on the keyboard. Typing @ takes two as well, and doesn’t save time, the only thing it does save is text characters, and can be used in this regard when strictly necessary. And don’t write it. For goodness sake, it doesn’t take that much time to write “at”, so do it. People who use @ in formal invitations in conjunction with curly fancy font will have they’re pinkies surgically removed to reduce the impulse to hit “shift” “2”. This goes for “2” and “to” “too”

“Passed away”- for someone you love, such a passive phrase seems unfit. I know its easier to say without crying, but when someone dies, they deserve your tears, and you deserve to shed them. Congruently “lost” is banned as in “she lost her friend Quintin” even though I know where he is. He’s dead; my friend Quintin died of complications from lymphoma, and he did it without passing away. Whenever someone dies the only appropriate thing to say to the bereaved is, “let me know if there is anything I can do.” or “do you need anything” and the like. Rather than “He’s in a better place” because he may not be, or “he’s not in pain anymore” yes but he’s not happy anymore either.

So remember think before you speak; its hard, but try.

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~ by The Great and Powerful RB on May 17, 2009.

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